Resource
Asking for a 1:1
A short guide to asking someone for fifteen minutes without overthinking it, overselling yourself, or apologizing for taking up space.
Opportunities rarely arrive through an application portal. They show up after a conversation: someone learns who you are, what you're good at, and what you're looking for and then a name comes to mind. A 1:1 is how you get in front of that.
The catch is that most people never ask. Not because they don't want it, but because the ask feels awkward, presumptuous, or transactional. This guide exists to make it ordinary: a message you can copy, a call you can prepare for, and a follow-up that keeps the door open.
The four-part ask
Every message below is built from the same four moves. Learn them once and you can write your own instead of borrowing mine.
Keep it under 120 words
If your message needs scrolling, it gets read later, which usually means never. Short is not lazy — it's a gift to the person reading it.
Say why them, specifically
One honest line about something they actually did beats a paragraph of flattery. Name the post, the project, the decision. Specificity is the compliment.
Name the time
"Fifteen minutes" is a yes. "Can we pick your brain?" is a maybe, and maybes get postponed. Put a number on it so they can picture it in their week.
Make it easy to say no
Offer a clean way out — "totally understand if the timing's off." People say yes far more freely when the door isn't being held shut.
Put it together
Who you are, in one line + why them, in one line + the ask with a time box, in one line + an easy out, in one line.
LinkedIn Templates
Six messages for the situations people dread most. Change the brackets, keep the shape, and send the first one today. A real draft beats a perfect one you never send.
Cold, but researched
Someone whose work you admire and have never met
Subject: Fifteen minutes on [topic]?
Hi [Name], I'm [you], a [your role] currently between roles. I've been following your work on [specific thing they did — a post, a program, a talk], and [one specific detail] is the kind of thinking I want to grow into. Would you be open to 15 minutes? I'd love to hear how you [one specific question]. Happy to work around your calendar, and if now isn't a good time, no problem at all. Thanks for considering it, [you]
Warm intro
A friend of a friend, or someone a contact suggested
Subject: Introduction from [mutual friend]
[Name] — [mutual friend] suggested I reach out. She mentioned you [relevant thing they said about them], which is exactly the space I'm working in as a [your role]. To be clear, I'm not asking for a role at [company]. I'm trying to understand how leaders like you [specific question], and you're one of the few people I know who's actually done it. Could I get 15 minutes — coffee or a call, whichever is easier? If your plate is full, genuinely no worries. Thanks, [you]
Reconnecting
A former colleague you've drifted from
Subject: It's been a minute
Hi [Name], it's been a minute. I saw [thing they shared or accomplished] and it made me think of the [project] we ran together — hope that year still treats you well. I'm in the middle of figuring out my next chapter, and I've always valued how you think about [specific thing]. Any chance you've got 15 minutes for a catch-up that isn't about work? I'd genuinely like to hear what you've been up to, and I'm happy to trade notes on mine. No rush on replying. [you]
Shared community
Alumni, a professional group, or a program you both came through
Subject: Fellow [school / program] grad with a question
Hi [Name], we both came out of [school, program, or community], and [connection or directory] pointed me your way. I'm a [your role] exploring [specific direction]. I'd love to hear how you made the move from [their earlier role] to [their current role] — that's the leap I'm curious about, and you seem to have landed it well. Would 15 minutes be possible in the next couple of weeks? Totally understand if your schedule doesn't allow it right now. Go [team], [you]
After a no
A recruiter or hiring manager after a role closed
Subject: Thank you — and one question
Hi [Name], thank you again for your time on the [role] process. I appreciated how candid and respectful it was, which isn't a given. While the outcome wasn't what I hoped, I'd still value your perspective. If you have 15 minutes in the next month, I'd like to understand what I could strengthen for the next conversation — and to stay on your radar for roles where my [specific strength] is a fit. If that's not something you can take on, I completely understand. Either way, thank you. [you]
Peer in the same seat
Someone else navigating a transition — often the most useful one
Subject: Want to trade 20 minutes?
Hi [Name], I keep running into your posts in [community], and your take on [topic] landed with me. I'm navigating [transition] too, and honestly it's easier talking to someone in the same seat than to someone who's already across it. Want to trade 20 minutes? No advice required — mostly a swap: what's working, what isn't, and what you're learning along the way. I'll bring the questions, you bring yours. [you]
Before the call
Fifteen minutes of prep
- Name your goal in one sentence. "I want to understand how L&D leaders get a seat at the table."
- Write your 60–90 second intro: where you've been, what you're good at, what you're exploring. Say it out loud once.
- Prepare five questions. Ask three, keep two in reserve for when the conversation gets good.
- Do 30 seconds of homework: their last post, a project, one human detail. Don't dig deeper than that.
- Send the invite yourself with a link and your phone number in the description.
- Test your setup, sit up, and give the meeting a real name — not "chat" or "touch base."
Ask out loud
Questions that open people up
- What's the part of your role nobody talks about?
- How did you get from [their earlier role] to here?
- What did you have to learn that wasn't on any job description?
- What would you do differently if you were starting over today?
- What does good look like in this field right now?
- What's a mistake you made early that you'd warn someone off?
- When you've hired people like me, what made someone unforgettable?
- Who else should I be talking to?
- Where do you think this work is heading in the next few years?
In the room
Twenty-eighty
You talk 20%, they talk 80%. Your intro is the door, not the room. Say it once, then ask.
Don't walk them through your résumé
They can read it later. Use the time for the part no document holds: how they think, and why they made the choices they made.
Write things down
Notes by hand if you can. It keeps you listening instead of performing, and they can see themselves being taken seriously.
Own the clock
At the halfway mark, say "we've got 10 minutes left and I want to respect it." People remember who made a 15-minute ask feel safe.
Closing without it getting weird
Say one of these before the call ends. Rehearse it once — the last thirty seconds is where a contact becomes a referral.
- "This was genuinely useful. Who else would you put in front of me?"
- "If something crossed your desk that fit, would you be open to sending it my way?"
- "Can I check back in a month or two and tell you what's changed?"
After the call
Most people stop when the conversation ends. The relationship starts there.
- Within 24 hoursOne short thank-you naming the specific thing they said that stuck with you. No résumé attached. No ask.
- Day 7If you promised something — an article, an intro, a name — send it. Following through is the differentiator.
- Day 30A one-line update: "Tried what you suggested about [thing]. Here's what happened." Proof that their time mattered.
- Day 90You now have something worth sharing back. Send it before you need anything — that's how a contact becomes a relationship.
What not to do
Don't attach your résumé to the first message
It turns a conversation into an application, and applications get processed instead of answered.
Don't apologize for existing
"Sorry to bother you" and "I know you're incredibly busy" in the same note reads like a preview of a no.
Don't ask for a job in message one
Ask for perspective. Let them be the one who offers the referral — it's worth four times as much.
Don't read silence as a verdict
Most non-replies are calendars, not character. Send one nudge, then move on without the story.
Don't over-research into paralysis
Two honest details beat a dossier. The goal is a human reply, not a flawless brief.
If they don't reply
One nudge, then move on
Five to seven business days later, send this exactly once. Then send the same ask to three more people — you're building a pipeline, not waiting on a verdict.
Hi [Name] — floating this back up in case it got buried. If the timing's off, no problem at all and I'll stop here. Either way, thank you for the work you put out.
Hear it done well
See what a real 1:1 sounds like
The fastest way to stop dreading these conversations is to listen to one where someone showed up as themselves.
Someone is reading this right now and is too nervous to message you. When they do, reply — even to say no, and even a month later. That's the whole loop, and it only works if people pass it on.